The wurster, the better

Loved ones are forever
Living, laughing, playing with them.
Fighting, running, jumping,
Sharing lives with them.
Talking and learning from them.
Being with each other.
But then, they’re gone.
What to do?
Where to go?
Why?

Loved ones living but then a break.
And they are not.
Where once they laughed and played
And shared with you and
Joined with you in so many things,
They don’t any more.
They are different and still loved.
But don’t share their lives in a way
That they used to.
They live and you’re love
Tries to make them and you strong
To endure and share their lives
Forever more broken and jumbled and
Different than before.

Do you miss a person more
When they are gone or
When they are still here yet gone?

We become different than who we were
And could have been.
We change and get lost in the madness that is.
We endure forever more?
We hope, not.
We try to make things better
But cannot seem to be able
To break through the gloom and
Pain and the nothing that one feels.
But still we try and hope
For a better and brighter time,
A new day.

It seems that my wife has gotten to a point she was several years ago in our struggle to get appropriate education for our daughter. She is angry and emotional (more so than usual) over what our daughter is not getting. The way our daughter is being treated at school is not acceptable. This is primarily due to her behaviors and the fact that the school has no idea what to do. However, we now have some hope because the behavior plan is done with appropriate goals and objectives. I hope now her pain will ease.

But she will graduate next year as she will be 21 and then what? At this point we have no solutions but will continue the struggle and fight. And it is a fight or war as a friend put it.

Life is not easy. My wife does a lot and could make life a little easier for herself but can’t we all. I am trying to keep my own sanity in this insane situation so that I can keep my job and bring in the money we need. I appreciate what she does. I try to help out in the ways I can. I get criticized for not helping enough, but you can’t have two cooks in the kitchen.

And now, we have no TSS. We are back to where we were last year. It’s been suggested that we advertise ourselves and find someone who can be hired by our service provider. And the search has begun. We just need a little ad to distribute.

Someone I know asked what I was going to get for Christmas. My wife and daughters have asked me for my list. What I really want is to be able to do all the things that I have to do and all the things I want to do. This has not been any easy task and is getting harder as I get older. Life just doesn’t cooperate.

I have also been thinking about the loved ones we have lost this year. I kind of dwell on my own feelings and not on others feelings. Although they have similar feelings about those who died. I guess I have taken this for granted and don’t appreciate what each one of us is going through. For example, with the recent loss of my Mom, I know that my brothers and I are feeling sad and empty especially at this time of year, but I haven’t taken the time to consider that our wives are also feeling the loss, maybe even more than us. Moms and daughters or daughter-in-laws seem to have a special bond. I know that they had this bond with my Mom. So, maybe they have much more to deal with that we, her sons.

If I haven’t told you or tried to comfort you, then I apologize. I will try to do better, although we Wursters are kind of non-emotional most of the time. Some would call us ornery or pains in the butt. That is just who we are. Sorry.