The wurster, the better

It’s been quite a while since I last posted. Many things have happened that has made it difficult for me to want to write or do just about anything. I now hope to have the energy to write and update my journal. But for now, as I’ve been trying to clean up my office, I ran across some things from when my Mom died last year. In fact, I forgot about it because of other things that have impacted my life. Any way, I thought these words are very fitting:

A Mother’s Love is Forever

As children,
we can’t comprehend
or fully realize
The meaning of our mother’s love,
how tender and how wise,
The patience and forgiveness
that are part of every day,
The unexpected “little things”
she does in her own way.
Years go by before we can
look back on life and see
Through older eyes and wiser hearts
her love and loyalty,
And yet it’s these
and other special things
we’ll hold so dear,
For memories of
her steadfast love
will keep her ever near.

This past weekend, we cleaned out a little more of my Mom’s house. It’s amazing how much stuff one accumulates over a lifetime. We got together 8 more large trash bags full of clothes. That was one brother’s job. Another brother went through the years of paperwork (check stubs, income tax stuff, receipts) and shredded them. He did uncover or discover interesting items that we are saving. One of these was the original bill for the second floor addition that was done on our house back in 1957. It cost $1100. Today, it would cost about $30,000. We found a paperhanging receipt for $42. we found more. I’m going to put together some kind of a historical perspective (when I can motivate myself to do so). I’m also going to scan in the many years of photographs.

This and other occurrences in our family, makes me think more and more about the inevitability of my life. I still have a lot of living to do. I just need to do it. So many depend on me. And I need to make sure they are covered and taken care of when I move on the the nether world.

I also found out this week that I really need to be working from home as there is so much that I have to do and can’t do them when I am away from the house. My time and energy is utilized best when I am around.

This is my 9th year at work at PFPC and it’s predecessors (and my former employers). It is also review time which I need to chill out about.

I had a chance to go to my Mom’s house over the weekend to do some cleaning and such. Every time I visit now it seems to get me really depressed. As I go through our stuff (our memories), I remember growing up. I also have found things that would only be sentimental to me (but I’m sure that each of my brothers has also found things personal to each of them). I found my birth certificate. I found a letter/card from my Dad to my Mom when I was born. I found photographs, many, many photographs.

I remembered back in 1964 when the Phillies collapsed and how my brothers and I were devastated and crying in the driveway. That was really painful. But now we can cheer because we won our division.

I looked through the home I grew up in. There was my bedroom and my brother’s bedrooms. There was our upstairs where we played as kids. And fought as kids. And practically drove my Mom crazy trying to take care of 5 boys. I remembered when I once bought a praying mantis egg case through the mail and when it hatched in my bedroom. And the hundreds of baby praying mantises jumping anf flying around. And my Mom freaking out for me to “get them out of the house”.

And there are many, many more memories that I hope to write down. But in the end, sometime next year, the house we all grew up in, will no longer be ours. An end will come and it will not be a happy occasion.

I was looking through some old documents on my computer and found this from back in 2002. I don’t know why I had it, but probably because I related it to my daughters. So, I decided to look it up on the internet and found it was from the Phantom of the Opera.

Think of me
Think of me fondly
When we’ve said goodbye
Remember me, once in a while,
Please promise me you’ll try

When you find, that once again you long
To take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember stop and think of me
Think of all the things we’ve shared and seen
Don’t think about the things which might have been
Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days, look back on all those times

Think of the things we’ll never do
There will never be a day when I won’t think of you