The wurster, the better

Well, it is now official. Our oldest daughter has decided to go to grad school at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. How did I find this out? She asked me the other night to help her fax something. That something was a down payment and acceptance offer on an apartment in Baltimore. A strange way to find out but that is how we act in our family. We don’t share or communicate easily. I wish we could get over this, because it would make our lives much easier. I don’t understand why we can’t see this.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a parent. If I was a better father, this would not have happened. I wish Tabitha could see that and my wife and me too. We are not mere hurdles in our daughter’s living her life. We are there to help and share in her experiences. We want to. She is leaving and probably won’t ever return. She has her escape. I feel like this many times, but know that running away does not solve anything. At some point, we will have to deal with the situation. I hope she finds this out sooner than later, as it will affect her in the rest of her life.

We are very proud of her and love her a lot.

Today is Father’s Day. I hope every father in the world has a great day! I’m sitting here sipping a glass of iced coffee after my special breakfast. My wife made a batch of whole wheat / sunflower pancakes. I should say she made the batter and I cooked the pancakes as I always do. It seems I have a talent for making them not stick to the griddle. Alicia and I ate our pancakes with peaches while my wife went to church and my other daughter slept.

I opened Alicia’s present which was a sign she made at school saying “The Wursters”. I’ll hang it outside under our street address. It was very nice. Maria got me underwear, which I did need.

I was out last night kind of as a present to myself. I was at the RefreshDelVal meeting in Skippack, PA. It was at the Village Coffeehaus. I was a nice place and they had live music. They also have wi-fi access which we need for our computers that we bring. I had a couple of iced coffees and some pastry. They are still renovating the place but it was a fun place to be in. After a while we got hungry and had some pizza at another local place. It was good and we had a great time talking and sharing stories.

I got to the meeting place early and had a chance to walk around the town. It was quaint like New Hope, PA, a popular tourist site in our area. I went into the shops that were still open. And I found some things in one shop Amelia’s that I bought for my Mom since her birthday is on Wednesday and we will be visiting he today.

It’s been many years since my father was alive (and also my wife’s father). They both died within a week of each other about 20 years ago.

Happy Father’s day, Dads.

I watched a couple of movies over the weekend, Uptown Girls and What a Girl Wants, and got a little misty eyed at the end. They were about girls (young ladies) and what they want from their parents, particularly their fathers. It was about the hurt they kept inside because they couldn’t share it with their father. They were angry because of what happened because it left them in a situation where they were empty inside.

One little girl was angry because she felt abandoned since her father was in a coma and her mother was a workaholic. The other young lady felt lost because her rock star father died and she never really got to tell him her feelings. The movies were about how they dealt with the situation when one doesn’t really tell someone all they need to, or share their feelings, and then the father dies or is in a coma.

We really do need to share our feelings with those who love us because you don’t know when they will be gone. I hope my daughters know this and all my nieces and nephews, as well. Be yourselves, kids, but be sure to keep us in your lives.

We’ve had an interesting week or so. It’s been quite hectic and stressful getting the house ready for Tabitha’s graduation party in a couple of weeks. She has a lot of plans and they are not new. Even though we have known about them for a couple of months, we(?) just don’t seem to be able to move on these things (and others).

Are we just fizzling out in our old age? Are we just too overwhelmed and can’t prioritize? We have a caring and very mature daughter who wants to help us. When I think of other families with children who don’t want anything to do with their family, I fell proud that our daughter doesn’t share these feelings. However, we need to be able to bite our lips (so to speak) and let her do what needs to be done. If we can’t do it, then accept the help of others. However, we seem to be hesitant in relinquishing some control to her. It seems to be difficult to accept the way we are. That seems to be a common problem with people, not just adults or kids, but everyone. We need to recognize our limitations and accept others help when they want to give it to us and do so graciously. We also need to temper our expectations with those of others. Each one of us can’t always be right.

We do need to believe in each other and that each one of us will do the right thing. We do need to connect to and with each other. I was reminded of this in an evaluation session that we took our daughter to this week. Connecting with people is crucial. The way we do it, the frequency with which we do it, and the reason we do it, all play a very important part in our well being.

A lot of times we assume that others know what we are thinking and how we are feeling, and worse yet, how we feel about that person. We must honestly communicate with others. We must look them in the eye and talk with them (not to or at them). We must listen. And, more importantly, we must truly hear what is being said. We must try to forget our agenda and really hear what others are saying.

And, guess what? I started writing this post with the intention of adding some thoughts on Fathers. Well, today is Father’s Day. So, here goes. I hope all my brothers have a great day. And I hope (know) that my deceased brother is looking down on his family and helping them as best he can. My Dad and my wife’s Dad both died with a week of each other about 23 years ago. I feel bad that my daughters never had a Grand-pop or Grandpa or Pop-pop. They have one remaining grandparent, my Mom, their Mom-mom. I know they’re cherishing the time they have with her. It does help them complete their life.

So, happy Father’s Day to all current and past and future fathers.