Old and feeling it

I had arthroscopic surgery way back on May 5th for torn meniscus in my left knee. It seemed like the logical thing to do, but now I wonder. I have been going to physical therapy for 4 weeks and have only seen minor improvement. In fact, my right leg now feels extremely bad and I hobble around like an old man, thinking I need a cane. Well, I am old (61) but have never felt like this.

Not only am I feeling physically down, I am also feeling depressed not being able to do what I have always done. My family is suffering the brunt of my anger which should be directed towards myself but seems to be directed at anything that I don’t like or agree with. I struggle with controlling this because it shouldn’t be directed towards others especially my family. It’s not their fault. Maybe it’s no one’s.

This is just one more added stressor in my life. I am concerned and worried about my daughter’s future now that she is 21 and in the adult mental health / autism system. We have been struggling with legal issues to help ensure her future. It has been a long and tiring struggle and not over yet.

Yesterday I learned that the camp where my daughter goes this summer is planning a field trip today to the Gallery in Philadelphia, going by train. I remember back to almost 5 years ago when my daughter had a breakdown on such a trip when she was at Elwyn. But that was at Christmas time when it was very crowded and caused her sensory integration issues to take over. I fear that something similar might happen. I will be very happy when today is over and she is home from camp all happy and smiling.

And tomorrow night will be a sleepover at camp. Another thing I worry about. But it will be a good experience for her, but yet I worry. I am a father.

Finding Amanda

I watched a show on CNN last night called “Finding Amanda“. It’s a story about Amanda who is autistic and about how shes copes with her daily life. It was very powerful as I saw my daughter in a lot of the story. There are additional nights on which it will be shown. I would highly recommend it for family and friends of people who have autism. And not just them, but all people should watch this to find our how people feel who can’t verbally communicate.

My daughter has been getting “bad” reports in her daily communications book from school. My wife is upset and doesn’t know how to handle this. But what’s new about that. We are all having a hard time coping with our daughter. But life goes on and so do we.