Today, my eldest daughter decided to take down the Christmas lights we had hanging in our living room and dining room. My wife freaked out and the yelling began. My daughter was also “cleaning up” things (putting them in piles and throwing other things in the trash). I know why she did this and understand her completely. My wife doesn’t. My wife continually tells me when such things happen, that we (she and I) need to have a united front to deal with Tabitha. This is what the therapists say and she parrots it all the time something like this happens.
However, the problem is with her mother, my wife. Maria always says she is cleaning up.
Unfortunately, she never completes the job.
Tabitha can’t stand the clutter. She wondered how we could like in such a mess. She knows I can’t stand the clutter. She was crying as she explained it to me. Her friends are coming over to pick her up to go to the shore. She is embarrased by our clutter. She said again that is why she never has anyone over. She is ashamed of us and our house.
Unfortunatel, I agree and have always felt this way. That has been an issue during our past 8 months of family / couples therapy. Maria just doesn’t get it. I told her she really doesn’t care for Tabitha and I. Maria is continuosly and constantly focused on Alicia. She devotes all of her energy to Alicia. Maria is overwhelmed by this and can’t deal with anything else. She just ignores it and us, hoping nothing will happen.
I understand the need for Maria to devote most of her energy to Alicia, but that leaves Tabitha and I wondering. We react to things trying to make life better. In my eyes that’s okay. But in Maria’s, that is tearing down the family.
I guess I really blame Maria for our current situation. I know I shouldn’t but that is how I feel.